Homo-Tree take1

   And so the chronicles and branches of thought of Homo Tree, the sexually confused Tree, begin. No, I am not advocating that sexual orientation is something to be considered when forming thoughts about a person; this is a motherfuckin' tree dude. Relax. We relaxed? Good.
   Homo Tree began as an idea in the depths of this author's heart. The mere beginnings were slim; the ideas premature; the humanity in essence. Formed within the daydreams of the author's long winters' eves, this story came to light. Homo Tree began his life in a meadow, and day and night he stood, with passers by spreading their lore underneath his cold, unfeeling leaves. Then, in the midst of a blue Summer's sky, a young fellow plonked his lonely ass down under Homo Tree. Homo Tree knew, then, that he had feelings for men. That's all the background you need. For now, he has become the commonplace of existentialist thought and nonsensical debating. This weeks episode features dragons, explosions, and naked bewbs.
   First off, have you ever thought about how, when you fall over, gravity may be fuckin' yo bitch. Like, imagine if every time you fell over, it was gravity herself, the maiden, messing with you. Saying gravity is even throughout the whole world, even down that part of the country you've never been to, but have some relatives in, is like insinuating that... I'll think of something later. But have you ever wondered how all those peeps on board the Star Trek ship, and Darth Vader's crib, like, didn't just float away. Even when the doors to let the ships out were open, not one G floated away. JA 1: Reality 0. Imagine it, Vader and the crew ready for take off, then one motherfucker floats majestically into the distance, with the camera focusing on him/her until they are merely a spec in the distance of reality. So sentimental, so just. So... digressive.
   So imagine it. Gravity up in her layer under the sea, or land, or whatever, and you happen to walk by during the best scene imaginable in Sex and the City. Pissed, and with half a tub of Valium inside of her, she stampedes out, to hear you walking down your corridor in your house. You have your hot coco-pops, ready for digesting, and she yanks them from you, while tripping you up. You fall, and le coco-pops go flying, crashing unusually fast upon the oak floor. Flustered, you stand up, and you haven't a scooby what made you fall. Gravity bitch, fucking you up one coco-pop at a time. Deal_with_it.gif.
   And so Homo Tree debates these notions. He entertains a thought or two, then discards, for Homo Tree knows not to dwell on insignificant things. Although he does like to ponder the odd Deal Or No Deal solution, he has his notions about which thoughts should remain in the forefront of his brain. Rain, sunshine, snow; these are the important things in life. And of course, him, that fair young fellow.
   This concludes Homo Tree episode one. Tune in next time for more made up emails from fictional people, and of course, more bewbs. Script.